jmccoy
New Year
If everything falls into place, I might book the guidance counselor job before my birthday on the 16th. Haven't been on the net too much...
MindSay Quick Update /
I am watching Jeepers Creepers II again...
MindSay Quick Update /
I am watching Hide and Seek again...
I got it
I woke up with a sticky feeling. And I got it. I got it. I got it. Means I'll be flying on the third day, which hopefully won't feel like gushing waterfall.
Definitely no snow for me this Christmas.
Definitely no snow for me this Christmas.
Recording plus a broken string
All right. I'm frustrated. Why is it that every single time I try to record an instrumental, it doesn't sound so decent when I play the recording? And when I'm not pushing that little red circle, I'm hitting all the notes correctly???
And to top it all, my higher E string snapped. Bullcrap.
I'm even growing a beer belly without having to drink beer, kinda like Homer's. That's something my girlfriend would find cute. Cute, for the love of God. More bullcrap.
And I'm a week late. How sucky will it be for someone who suffers from monthly periods for over 10 days to have it on Wednesday or on the plane itself the next freaking day? I hate this.
And to top it all, my higher E string snapped. Bullcrap.
I'm even growing a beer belly without having to drink beer, kinda like Homer's. That's something my girlfriend would find cute. Cute, for the love of God. More bullcrap.
And I'm a week late. How sucky will it be for someone who suffers from monthly periods for over 10 days to have it on Wednesday or on the plane itself the next freaking day? I hate this.
Military Affairs
I sprinted until my lungs gave out on me earlier this morning. My chest burned and I swallowed hard. Looking up at the sky, nostalgia hit me faster than I could open my mouth for another generous gulp of air.
I was in high school, young and at the top of my game. But due to Catholic beliefs, the basketball program for women was abolished to prevent the "promotion" of lesbianism. I joined the Preparatory Military Training instead. There had to be an outlet and I was left with making do with rifles, swords and decorations. It wasn't a bad catch. It was addictive - the power was.
I did push-ups, crunches, sit-ups, pumpings, naval exercises. I ran everyday. Memorized the code. Squatted under the scorching rays of the sun. Added 10 more hairpins a week until they totaled a hundred in 5 rows. Even danced provocatively using the flagpole for the enjoyment of senior officers and wore a Britney Spears box during a long parade in the city. I was a midshipwoman aspirant and the sandy field acted as my own torture chamber and my refuge. I loved the pain, the bruises, the sores, the cuts, the mind games.
I led a platoon. I led 2 companies. Then a whole battalion of high school students who did nothing but follow the orders. I was nearly at the top of the chain of command. I loved the Navy.
But I hated the politics that hovered above it all. I loathed it. No matter how hard fellow comrades and my skills pulled me up, I was brought way back down by dirty politics and traditional gibberish. Why put a girl in charge?
The tables were turned during college. My thirst for power drove me to join the Air Force Reserve Officers Training. I was at the top because I believed in myself. I knew that I would perform well above mediocrity. Guys were no match for me - physically and mentally. Next in line for the Corps Commander spot. I had nothing to prove anymore.
But I quit for so many reasons. The brotherhood/sisterhood was lost. I was blinded by feminism. Plus my mom pushed me to 'cause my grades were falling instead of rising. But I miss everything right now. The intensity of driving oneself to persevere despite stiffening muscles and retiring stamina, the camaraderie and teamwork.
The last time I shouted a command was five years ago. When I was a freshman. Everything was unbelievable. Good while it lasted. Time to close the chapter again.
I was in high school, young and at the top of my game. But due to Catholic beliefs, the basketball program for women was abolished to prevent the "promotion" of lesbianism. I joined the Preparatory Military Training instead. There had to be an outlet and I was left with making do with rifles, swords and decorations. It wasn't a bad catch. It was addictive - the power was.
I did push-ups, crunches, sit-ups, pumpings, naval exercises. I ran everyday. Memorized the code. Squatted under the scorching rays of the sun. Added 10 more hairpins a week until they totaled a hundred in 5 rows. Even danced provocatively using the flagpole for the enjoyment of senior officers and wore a Britney Spears box during a long parade in the city. I was a midshipwoman aspirant and the sandy field acted as my own torture chamber and my refuge. I loved the pain, the bruises, the sores, the cuts, the mind games.
I led a platoon. I led 2 companies. Then a whole battalion of high school students who did nothing but follow the orders. I was nearly at the top of the chain of command. I loved the Navy.
But I hated the politics that hovered above it all. I loathed it. No matter how hard fellow comrades and my skills pulled me up, I was brought way back down by dirty politics and traditional gibberish. Why put a girl in charge?
The tables were turned during college. My thirst for power drove me to join the Air Force Reserve Officers Training. I was at the top because I believed in myself. I knew that I would perform well above mediocrity. Guys were no match for me - physically and mentally. Next in line for the Corps Commander spot. I had nothing to prove anymore.
But I quit for so many reasons. The brotherhood/sisterhood was lost. I was blinded by feminism. Plus my mom pushed me to 'cause my grades were falling instead of rising. But I miss everything right now. The intensity of driving oneself to persevere despite stiffening muscles and retiring stamina, the camaraderie and teamwork.
The last time I shouted a command was five years ago. When I was a freshman. Everything was unbelievable. Good while it lasted. Time to close the chapter again.
Evaluation Sheet
A friend's evaluation sheet (not original) found its way onto my desk with a post-it note reading "Can you please compose a little response to that for me? Thanks."
Feedback for a feedback. How nice. So much so it doesn't make any sense. I mean, what for? When I was in HR I never once said anything back when I got my fucking evaluation. I just muttered a thank you under my breath and went back to work.
I dawdle. I turn manic. I feel lethargic. I am at a borderline mentality right now. I bounce back and forth from one end of the pole to another. So seriously, is it right at all to expect a heavy load of ass-kissing and promises of a much greater driving force to strive harder from me? Sure, receiving superior marks from his manager strokes his ego quite well. Last I heard, he was complaining about not getting a raise. Incentives are way better as compared to kind words from your boss, I tell you. There's nothing more valuable than improving your quality of life through higher pays.
I am so sick and tired of everything right now. I feel so fed up. Just when I'm about to get the hell outta here.
Feedback for a feedback. How nice. So much so it doesn't make any sense. I mean, what for? When I was in HR I never once said anything back when I got my fucking evaluation. I just muttered a thank you under my breath and went back to work.
I dawdle. I turn manic. I feel lethargic. I am at a borderline mentality right now. I bounce back and forth from one end of the pole to another. So seriously, is it right at all to expect a heavy load of ass-kissing and promises of a much greater driving force to strive harder from me? Sure, receiving superior marks from his manager strokes his ego quite well. Last I heard, he was complaining about not getting a raise. Incentives are way better as compared to kind words from your boss, I tell you. There's nothing more valuable than improving your quality of life through higher pays.
I am so sick and tired of everything right now. I feel so fed up. Just when I'm about to get the hell outta here.
No strums - strum here
MindSay Quick Update /
I am watching Dead Alive/Braindead!
Buddies
5 more days. Hate that I have a connecting flight in Singapore... I have nothing left to do here but wait, and I've practically glued my fingers on the keys of my dad's laptop, logging on to various accounts I have on the Internet. Jesus Christ. Gotta admit, I wasn't much of a computer/Internet person 4 months before. I'm binging on The Simpsons episodes as I have nowhere interesting to go to.
I was thinking about a friend of mine who I met in grade school. Her name's Jeanina. She moved to New Jersey when we were in HS and I think it's her final year in NJIT... It's been 6 years since I last saw her and I only got to contact her through Facebook some weeks ago. We were pretty close during our grade school days, even started a very exclusive "gang". I didn't know she was still communicating with Adrian who happens to also be finishing his last academic year in Cal Poly. I miss her. I could always depend on Jeng to listen to me rant about my life.
Then there's Cherry. My college buddy. Who I miss rooting for me while I was playing basketball in our university league. Man, she loved those 3-pointers I used to nail and those little and-one's. Damn college life... She's taking some counseling psychology units at the moment. I envy her. Maybe next year, I'll get to join her again. She's pushing me to speed up my grad studies. I just might... Fucking case studies, abstracts, APA formats, related literature, blah blah blah...
Dyan. She was asking me if she should pursue a girl she works with in this hospital at home. Funny thing is, this girl she's talking about's the younger sister of a close friend from another high school group. Jesus. This is just all tangled up. Small world. She told me earlier that our bunch's meeting tomorrow (today there) for some overdue gimmick.
CR's messing my head with a ton of guys I knew nothing about. Frat boys, med students, and it wasn't like I needed to know those awful, disgusting details about deepthroating. Son of a bitch. Now that's worse than 2 Girls 1 Cup. Seriously. I can just hear her wailing from a distance of a thousand miles... Oh God. I better get ready for a barrage of sarcasm.
Oh, and I miss my guinea pig! Whoever said all lesbians own just cats???
I was thinking about a friend of mine who I met in grade school. Her name's Jeanina. She moved to New Jersey when we were in HS and I think it's her final year in NJIT... It's been 6 years since I last saw her and I only got to contact her through Facebook some weeks ago. We were pretty close during our grade school days, even started a very exclusive "gang". I didn't know she was still communicating with Adrian who happens to also be finishing his last academic year in Cal Poly. I miss her. I could always depend on Jeng to listen to me rant about my life.
Then there's Cherry. My college buddy. Who I miss rooting for me while I was playing basketball in our university league. Man, she loved those 3-pointers I used to nail and those little and-one's. Damn college life... She's taking some counseling psychology units at the moment. I envy her. Maybe next year, I'll get to join her again. She's pushing me to speed up my grad studies. I just might... Fucking case studies, abstracts, APA formats, related literature, blah blah blah...
Dyan. She was asking me if she should pursue a girl she works with in this hospital at home. Funny thing is, this girl she's talking about's the younger sister of a close friend from another high school group. Jesus. This is just all tangled up. Small world. She told me earlier that our bunch's meeting tomorrow (today there) for some overdue gimmick.
CR's messing my head with a ton of guys I knew nothing about. Frat boys, med students, and it wasn't like I needed to know those awful, disgusting details about deepthroating. Son of a bitch. Now that's worse than 2 Girls 1 Cup. Seriously. I can just hear her wailing from a distance of a thousand miles... Oh God. I better get ready for a barrage of sarcasm.
Oh, and I miss my guinea pig! Whoever said all lesbians own just cats???
No strums - strum here
Dime = Pick
In my desperation to find a replacement for a plectrum, I used a dime instead. I dug my hand in my dad's coin collection lying around near his laptop and got this 1970 dime for a prize. Of all the coins I could pick out and it had to be a really small one. Beggars can't be choosy.
It reminded me of some of my relatives goading me to stay with them in San Francisco. My godmother's also there, so are her sons and daughters. My mom said if I had to stay in California, I better be with her. My uber-religious godmother who goes to Church at least 5 times a week. I'm gay (not that my mom knows) but it's San Francisco for fuck's sake... I'll be seeing them this December when I get back home and I'll be once again pounded with talks of moving in with them there. It's been going on for years, I wonder what's keeping me...? Maybe they'll get to convince me to. Allison Street eh?
In less than a couple of months, I'll be 23. I'll probably get a job in Human Resources again. My other friend said she's getting used to being a total bum. Makes 2 of us. But I have this little self-employment thing going on... which will end the day I fly home.
Been playing Coldplay's See You Soon during the past hour. The dime's causing a weird effect as it hits the coils of the lower strings.
I'm much too lazy to tune my guitar back to standard. It's a royal pain in the ass to, despite having a built-in tuner. I'm itching to play Drive by Incubus... Now where's that amp when I need it?
It reminded me of some of my relatives goading me to stay with them in San Francisco. My godmother's also there, so are her sons and daughters. My mom said if I had to stay in California, I better be with her. My uber-religious godmother who goes to Church at least 5 times a week. I'm gay (not that my mom knows) but it's San Francisco for fuck's sake... I'll be seeing them this December when I get back home and I'll be once again pounded with talks of moving in with them there. It's been going on for years, I wonder what's keeping me...? Maybe they'll get to convince me to. Allison Street eh?
In less than a couple of months, I'll be 23. I'll probably get a job in Human Resources again. My other friend said she's getting used to being a total bum. Makes 2 of us. But I have this little self-employment thing going on... which will end the day I fly home.
Been playing Coldplay's See You Soon during the past hour. The dime's causing a weird effect as it hits the coils of the lower strings.
I'm much too lazy to tune my guitar back to standard. It's a royal pain in the ass to, despite having a built-in tuner. I'm itching to play Drive by Incubus... Now where's that amp when I need it?
No strums - strum here
MindSay Quick Update /
I am doing some playing around with my guitar...
Holy...........
I was about to say holy shit but no. It wasn't holy. No, not at all.
When will I ever tower over my curiosities? Stupid clip. I was wondering what the noise was about, what the craze was about. Silly me, I was having a terrible day. I held my breath and clicked my mouse.
The vid lasted some seconds over a minute, with a rather distasteful music playing in the background. Everyone said it was disgusting, gross, sick. Eh? What would you expect from crap??? Before that I looked over some people's reactions in YouTube.
I wasn't as affected as the lot who had already viewed the 2 Girls 1 Cup clip. I didn't blink. I didn't react. I just stared directly into the screen, hoping for something to make me cringe. Nothing did. Maybe I was going mental. After all, my stomach didn't even turn upside down, not for a single second it didn't. Well... the music did try to force me into gagging (it's still playing in my head, not the actual video)...
Maybe burrowing my head in the middle of my Abnormal Psychology book made me numb. Or the fact that I had seen all the possible death and gore scenes in horror movies that nothing surprises me anymore (except needles... I hate needles. They don't just surprise me, they can send me into a cardiac arrest). I just don't believe it. Everyone said it was real. It looked real. But I just couldn't believe my eyes. There has gotta be something there that reads: special effects.
People told me they didn't wanna eat chocolate ice cream after viewing the fucked-up video. Not me, I wanted to eat ice cream while watching it! Same when my cousin and I always ate spaghetti during unlimited zombie flicks. I'm weird I know.
Now I have to coerce my brother to see it. He owes me a lot. That craven kid.
I think I'm having a manic attack. But I'm sleepy now so...
When will I ever tower over my curiosities? Stupid clip. I was wondering what the noise was about, what the craze was about. Silly me, I was having a terrible day. I held my breath and clicked my mouse.
The vid lasted some seconds over a minute, with a rather distasteful music playing in the background. Everyone said it was disgusting, gross, sick. Eh? What would you expect from crap??? Before that I looked over some people's reactions in YouTube.
I wasn't as affected as the lot who had already viewed the 2 Girls 1 Cup clip. I didn't blink. I didn't react. I just stared directly into the screen, hoping for something to make me cringe. Nothing did. Maybe I was going mental. After all, my stomach didn't even turn upside down, not for a single second it didn't. Well... the music did try to force me into gagging (it's still playing in my head, not the actual video)...
Maybe burrowing my head in the middle of my Abnormal Psychology book made me numb. Or the fact that I had seen all the possible death and gore scenes in horror movies that nothing surprises me anymore (except needles... I hate needles. They don't just surprise me, they can send me into a cardiac arrest). I just don't believe it. Everyone said it was real. It looked real. But I just couldn't believe my eyes. There has gotta be something there that reads: special effects.
People told me they didn't wanna eat chocolate ice cream after viewing the fucked-up video. Not me, I wanted to eat ice cream while watching it! Same when my cousin and I always ate spaghetti during unlimited zombie flicks. I'm weird I know.
Now I have to coerce my brother to see it. He owes me a lot. That craven kid.
I think I'm having a manic attack. But I'm sleepy now so...
No strums - strum here
Negative couple of thousands
I am 2000$ poorer. I've been robbed. By no one other than myself.
I blew my savings on a new Sony Vaio that I'd only get to marvel at a couple of weeks from now.
Oh, good Lord. I feel like I want to hurl. That was pretty impulsive.
I blew my savings on a new Sony Vaio that I'd only get to marvel at a couple of weeks from now.
Oh, good Lord. I feel like I want to hurl. That was pretty impulsive.
MindSay Quick Update /
I am feeling nauseous...
Flight Back Home
It's the 24th today. I have nothing to do but wait for the Cavs game later at 1 in the afternoon. My eyes feel like they're ablaze. I think I'm coming down with a flu. And when I'm only 11 days away from departure, I don't consider this a good sign at all.
Been talking to a friend about her life at the moment. She couldn't decide whether to cross the godforsaken boundaries of friendship to pursue matters of the heart. I have been burned by that not too long ago (by her, apparently) and I wouldn't want her to experience the same thing especially that there are positive signs all over the place. I told her, bluntly, that I don't care about friendship anymore, so risk it. God damn. We only live for a bunch of decades and it's about time to try and put everything on the line for fuck's sake. Risk it. Gamble.
So, 11 days. 11 more days before I board that plane flying back home... I hate long trips. 15 hours inside man's creation that can spiral downwards doesn't sound very appealing to me.
Been talking to a friend about her life at the moment. She couldn't decide whether to cross the godforsaken boundaries of friendship to pursue matters of the heart. I have been burned by that not too long ago (by her, apparently) and I wouldn't want her to experience the same thing especially that there are positive signs all over the place. I told her, bluntly, that I don't care about friendship anymore, so risk it. God damn. We only live for a bunch of decades and it's about time to try and put everything on the line for fuck's sake. Risk it. Gamble.
So, 11 days. 11 more days before I board that plane flying back home... I hate long trips. 15 hours inside man's creation that can spiral downwards doesn't sound very appealing to me.
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