I sprinted until my lungs gave out on me earlier this morning. My chest burned and I swallowed hard. Looking up at the sky, nostalgia hit me faster than I could open my mouth for another generous gulp of air.
I was in high school, young and at the top of my game. But due to Catholic beliefs, the basketball program for women was abolished to prevent the "promotion" of lesbianism. I joined the Preparatory Military Training instead. There had to be an outlet and I was left with making do with rifles, swords and decorations. It wasn't a bad catch. It was addictive - the power was.
I did push-ups, crunches, sit-ups, pumpings, naval exercises. I ran everyday. Memorized the code. Squatted under the scorching rays of the sun. Added 10 more hairpins a week until they totaled a hundred in 5 rows. Even danced provocatively using the flagpole for the enjoyment of senior officers and wore a Britney Spears box during a long parade in the city. I was a midshipwoman aspirant and the sandy field acted as my own torture chamber and my refuge. I loved the pain, the bruises, the sores, the cuts, the mind games.
I led a platoon. I led 2 companies. Then a whole battalion of high school students who did nothing but follow the orders. I was nearly at the top of the chain of command. I loved the Navy.
But I hated the politics that hovered above it all. I loathed it. No matter how hard fellow comrades and my skills pulled me up, I was brought way back down by dirty politics and traditional gibberish. Why put a girl in charge?
The tables were turned during college. My thirst for power drove me to join the Air Force Reserve Officers Training. I was at the top because I believed in myself. I knew that I would perform well above mediocrity. Guys were no match for me - physically and mentally. Next in line for the Corps Commander spot. I had nothing to prove anymore.
But I quit for so many reasons. The brotherhood/sisterhood was lost. I was blinded by feminism. Plus my mom pushed me to 'cause my grades were falling instead of rising. But I miss everything right now. The intensity of driving oneself to persevere despite stiffening muscles and retiring stamina, the camaraderie and teamwork.
The last time I shouted a command was five years ago. When I was a freshman. Everything was unbelievable. Good while it lasted. Time to close the chapter again.
jmccoy
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Happy Birthday! - ...I am so grateful for my 25 years and look forward to the next! -Lexy
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